What is Live Spelled Backwards?
by Ekai Ungson
Summary: Take one Eriol, marry him to Tomoyo, and a phone ringing off the hook. Serves as Ekai's due exit from the CCS fandom [til further notice]. Please don't kill me.


What is Live Spelled Backwards?   
(or, Ekai REALLY shouldn't be left alone with ficcers)  
by Ekai Ungson  
  
legality: Card Captor Sakura copyright CLAMP and other related enterprises.   
  
this is for Harle and Mainime, in remembrance of echo nights and crazy bread. ^-^  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
In the Hiiragizawa Manor, all is well. The gardens are flourishing, the house itself stands majestically atop a hill. The roses are blooming happily along, and everything is in a state of bliss.  
  
Inside the large house, a small winged cat tends to a little girl in a cradle. A woman with dark red hair studies quietly in the library. Hiiragizawa Tomoyo lays down to rest....  
  
*RING!*  
  
Tomoyo shot up immediately.  
  
*RING!!*  
  
That infernal sound again. And this early in the morning, too! People ought to be ashamed of themselves. Christ, the day was just beginning.  
  
*RINGGG!!!*  
  
She winced and wondered if she would ever have a peaceful day to enjoy. She picked up the insisting accursed contraption.  
  
"Hello, Hiiragizawa residence."  
  
"Hi! May we speak to Hiiragizawa-san, please?"  
  
Tomoyo sighed. "You can reach him at his office at the university."  
  
"Oh, is that so? Can I just leave a message then?"  
  
Do I have a choice? thought Tomoyo. "Yes, go right ahead."  
  
"This is the Cranium Publishing House, we'd like to invite him to give a speech on our two-hundred and fifth anniversary! The event will be at the Tomoeda hotel on October 16th. Thanks!" And the phone slammed in Tomoyo's ear.  
  
Tomoyo sighed heavily. Bianca-chan had cried all night last night, and Spinel-san had downright declared two days ago that he was entirely too tired and could not attend to her daughter at all ("-not for the next ninety-six hours," Spinel declared explicitly). Ruby Moon was fast asleep and she didn't think a fire could wake her up. Eriol had a class early the next morning so it was up to Tomoyo to comfort a colic child throughout the night. Why, oh why, did the moon decide to disappear when Bianca was fussing?  
  
Also, this morning, since Spinel had not yet gained enough strength, and Ruby Moon couldn't cook anything un-sweet to save her life, and Eriol couldn't cook anything at all, she had to drag herself away from the chair in Bianca's room and fix breakfast for Eriol who was leaving at the crack of dawn for the university and Ruby Moon who had to go to school as well. Then they all leave and left Tomoyo alone to fend for the dishes and the cleaning of the house and the washing of the clothes and drying them.  
  
Tomoyo was never, ever, one to complain. She had refused her mother vehemently when Sonomi had offered to hire a maid for them, thinking that Eriol and her would be just fine alone. She HAD been fine the first few months, but when Bianca-chan was born the whole house went into a considerable amount of rehaul. And now, Tomoyo, aside from having to deal with post-pregnancy pain, had to take care of her daughter and her husband as well. Spinel could only help her so much with Bianca, (Eriol he left entirely to her, claiming that he had had enough of his Master to last him 'til the end of all time) and she wouldn't trust Ruby Moon at all with her daughter because Ruby Moon was sweet, really, and loved Hatoko, but she had a tendency to *leave* things behind, simply forgetting about them. Maybe when Hatoko could take care of herself.  
  
Anyway, the whole workload simply doubled. And it crashed upon her with all the force of a wrecking ball. Eriol was often indisposed because he was busy with research work so all she had were herself, Ruby Moon, and Spinel. And the last few months had been hell on her, why? Because the moon was often shadowed these past few months and Spinel, the most reliable one of their lot, was too weak to take on Bianca in all-nighters. So everything depended on Tomoyo alone to run the house and try not to break down.  
  
This had been going on for three months. The longest of her life.  
  
It wouldn't be that bad at all. No. She liked doing the housework and she _did_ have eternal patience when it came to Ruby Moon chasing Spinel around with a sweet in one hand and rope in another. She was all right in taking Spinel down from the chandelier when he was buzzing about without specific direction when he was sufficiently filled with glucose. It wasn't these things that got to her--  
  
It was the telephone.  
  
Tomoyo was entirely thankful that the gods had blessed her husband with ridiculously good looks. That was why when she mixed her genes with his, an angel like Bianca had resulted. The thing was, Eriol got a little offhand when it came to public relations. He tended to warm up to so much people. The man was so likable, it was an abomination. Tomoyo paused, considering this. After all, Eriol had, at best, the most twisted sense of humor she had ever witnessed in her entire life. It never ceased to amaze her that he had so many friends and acquaintances.  
  
Also, Eriol had made a name for himself at the university for being 'one of the hunkiest professors around'. As such, he had hordes upon hordes of fangirls screaming his name that he could be compared to a pop star.   
  
This was not the point.  
  
Eriol had left his home number at the university so they could call him for announcements and emergencies and other such things. He also passed business cards around a lot. Somehow, the president of 'the Eriol-we-really-love-you' fanclub had gotten ahold of the number and had passed it around to what rumor held were 1459 screaming fangirls. In that, Tomoyo spent a lot of her days not tired of cleaning or cooking or tending to Hatoko, she tired easily because she answered the phone. A lot.  
  
When those fans of his began a-calling, Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun washed their hands off of the phone-answering. Tomoyo now began to think that maybe Eriol had a lot of fangirls since when he was young and both guardians knew what it was like to answer calls from shrieky, giggly girls. Cheaters, both. And the job was, again, handed to Tomoyo.  
  
Three months.  
  
*RING!!*  
  
"Yes, Hiiragizawa residence."  
  
"Hi, this is the Supernatural Book Club, we'd like to invite Hiiragizawa-san to grace us with his presence for a gathering we're planning this month. We'd like him to sign his books for us--"  
  
"Can you call him at the university, please? He's not here."  
  
"Oh, all right then. Are you his secretary?"  
  
Tomoyo gritted her teeth. "No, I'm his wife."  
  
"Oh, all right, thank you!"  
  
*click.*  
  
No sooner than she had put down the receiver--  
  
*RING!!*  
  
"Hiiragizawa residence."  
  
"Is this where Professor Hiiragizawa lives? *giggle*"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Um, so, is he, like, there? *giggle*"  
  
"He's at the university."  
  
"Okay, thanks!"  
  
*click.*  
  
*RING!!!*  
  
"Hiiragizawa."  
  
"Hi, we're from Japan Times, we'd like an interview with Mr. Hiiragizawa--"  
  
"Call him at the university, please, he's not here."  
  
"All right, thanks!"  
  
*click.*  
  
*RING!!!!!*  
  
"Hiiragizawa."  
  
"PROFESSOR HIIRAGIZAWAAAAAA! SLEEP WITH MEEEEEE!"  
  
By this time Tomoyo had had enough. She slammed the phone down, pulled the wire off the socket with astounding force, breathed in and then yelled:  
  
"HIIRAGIZAWA!!!!!!!!!"  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
There was a distinct sound of every glass window breaking at the university. Eriol looked up and heard the distinct voice of his wife yelling his name--  
  
From across town.  
  
The president of the school came into his office, looking very harassed. "Hiiragizawa, you can take the rest of the day off."  
  
"But Sir I--" he began, but the old man cut him off.  
  
"We'll handle all of your classes. Seems that your wife has... problems at home."  
  
Eriol laughed nervously. "Uh... yes, Sir, it seems so. Thank you."  
  
And he dashed out of the place in a hurry.  
  
He arrived at home and noted with much dismay that all of his glass windows had broken, too. In fact, all of Tomoeda's glass had been broken in one infinitesimal blast that came from somewhere nobody knew.  
  
He opened the front door--  
  
"RELEASE!" Tomoyo cried. Immediately the key she had in her hand turned into a staff. He gaped. For one thing Tomoyo was completely non-magical. How did she--? And besides, how did she even get a hold of the key?!  
  
"Tomoyo, what--?"  
  
"I'm going to KILL you!" Tomoyo yelled. Somewhere in the house more glass broke, he noted. He held up his hands.  
  
"Whatever it was I didn't do it!" he said quickly. "Not even that girl with silver hair. I'm inno--"  
  
Tomoyo's eyes blazed. "Girl? Silver HAIR?!" she screeched. "I really AM going to kill you!"  
  
"What'd I do, what'd I do?" Eriol asked, bewildered. Tomoyo was carrying that staff as if she'd been wielding it for years. At the moment she had one of its points dangerously close to his throat. "Calm down, darling."  
  
"Calm down?" Tomoyo repeated incredulously. "Calm DOWN?! Hiiragizawa, I have been nothing but CALM for the past three--BLOODY--months! You do--" she breathed "--realize, that I have JUST given BIRTH to your daughter. MIGHT I remind you that labor is a PARTICULARLY painful process?! I still haven't recovered from the pain, and here you are, driving me OUT OF MY BLOODY MIND because all of your screaming fans are craving for your attention all at the same time!!" She drew out a card in one quick movement. "Firey!"  
  
Firey came lunging out of the card, ready to burn him into a crisp. Eriol held up his hands. "Holditholditholdit!"  
  
Firey paused in midair.  
  
Tomoyo gave out a mindless scream. "Firey, do as I command!"  
  
Firey looked at her, then at Eriol, and back, apparently confused.  
  
"You're mad because I've been getting phone calls?" Eriol asked in utter disbelief.  
  
Tomoyo shrieked again.  
  
"All right, all right!" Eriol amended.   
  
"That blasted contraption has been ringing off the hook for the past two thousand and two hundred TWENTY THREE hours! And it's always publishing companies who want you to share your degenerative witticisms to the world or women of all ages asking for your schedule or our address or an autograph or even a CONVENIENT FUCK! I've been mistaken twenty four times for your SECRETARY! I--" Tomoyo glared at him. "--am sick and tired of it all! I work running this house 24/7 while you lounge around in your office eating donuts and reading boring books! You haven't even helped at all with Bianca!" she stopped to breathe. "Firey, blast him!"  
  
Firey lunged.  
  
"Ruby Moon, Spinel Sun, help!" Eriol yelled.   
  
Both guardians appeared at the top of the stairs. "We're indisposed, Master. Besides, we're on HER side."  
  
"Traitoooooooors!" Eriol cried as Firey fried him.  
  
When the smoke cleared, Eriol was standing in the middle of the room, his skin a brilliant shade of 'charred'. Tomoyo was breathing heavily.   
  
"If those girls do not stop calling, I will force you into celibacy, Hiiragizawa!" Tomoyo screeched. "Do you quite understand?"  
  
He aimed for a nod but he couldn't quite move. Tomoyo retracted his staff and went back to her room. Once there, she plopped into bed and went promptly to sleep. The house was a bleeding mess and all of the glass panes were broken. She wondered about that as she drifted off.  
  
Eriol wobbled over to the phone.   
  
"Hi. I want to change numbers."  
  
Spinel grinned. "Should've done that a long time ago."  
  
"Shaddup," Eriol replied eloquently.  
  
  
  
-Owari!-  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
explanations: this fic came into being because that mozarella stick i was eating was laced with a pound of crack.  
  
further explanations: no, seriously. i have this project with Harle and Mainime we fondly dub 'The Repressed Maniacs Association (My wife won't fuck with me tonight!)'. Anyway, this fic is a prequel. The mental image of Tomoyo blasting Eriol with Firey was priceless. might need a bit of tweaking, but it works. amyway, i was walking to the subway station with Harle one afternoon and i said 'hey, why not make a fic about tomoyo calling firey out and siccing it on eriol?'  
  
nope, tomoyo has no magical powers. HOWEVER! she was so mad that the objects just obeyed her. even Firey. gah, i love that card.   
  
Tomoyo: Release!  
Eriol: This isn't my faaaaauuult!  
  
=^-^= 


End file.
